#its hard to work through things when the ppl who put you through those things are the ones you are still dependant on. :

[grimmthorne]

i need to make art again, it's like this gaping hole in my chest that keeps aching. I figured out what I really need is a studio space but that's so hard to try to do in my room, and digital is great but my tablet or it's cord is kicking the bucket slowly but surely and my phone screen protector is too smashed to do art on it. ideally, I'd have some space to do paintings and block printing, but those both require dedicated spaces. someday it'll get figured out and I'll reclaim art for myself but for now it just feels so out of reach :(

[lifeonmarz-blog]

Moon through the zodiac

Aries: Your blunt and it often comes across as insensitive. Yet at the same time people may think your too sensitive. Growing up your household was very busy and or very gossipy. People may question your intentions alot with this placement even if your not doing anything some may still assume your up to no good. Its almost like damn all that assuming you might as well actually do something. The way you express yourself is always being judged and people are always trying to ''correct'' it. Causing you to be anti social, very particular on who you share your personality with or a bully. The way you express yourself is very unique just like your sense of humor you be accidentally funny as hell and thats needed in this world dont give away your power to people and allow them to change you into a dolice version of yourself. Light fire under they ass the way you how to. Anyways I wouldnt be surprised if you daydream about your ideal life alot, careful not to be in your head too much and create unrealistic expectations for yourself or others to uphold. I want yall to stop being so hard on yourself. If nobody else tell yall ima tell you i love how passionately you express yourself. The purpose of your moon being here is for you to learn more about yourself and who you are and how your actions/reactions affect others. Step away from whats familiar and comfortable and dig deep. Listen to your intuition. Have some fucking fun.

Taurus: Its your way or the highway HUH? Your moon chose to be here becasue you are the defender. There will be times were you feel your back is against the wall and you face alot of scrutiny from the world. They may come down on you hard but if you can withstand the pressure you will be rewarded. Willpower and self discipline comes easier for you. You have the tendency to be arrogant, domineering and passive aggressive. A good leader keeps those emotions in check. Yall get stuck in yall ways fr i want yall to put more energy into leaving your comfort zone and taking risk. Slow down smell the roses and enjoy where you are. Dont be all work and no play.

Gemini: Yall love some drama. Somehow always ending up in the middle of some shit. Seeing others as competition even when them ppl not worried about you. You like being the center of attention and dont care if its in a postive or negative light. It works for yall though because popularity comes easy for you. This is one of the most social placements for the moon to be. Your reputation means alot to you and networking is high on your priority list. Its common for yall to feel like you always have to choose between something. It may be hard for you to balance your work life and home life. In friendships and relationships you choose to keep the blindfold on ignoring whats really in front of you, procrastinating to handle your problems just hoping theyll go away on there on. You end up in situations where people are betraying you. With the two sides to gemini its like a secret element to your life. Your no stranger to scandal. I feel for you, this isnt a easy place to have the moon be. You care so much about your relationships with people but yet often have issues with ppl. This couldve stemmed from feeling like you were a target growing up that people always chose to pick with you. Or that you were punished more extremely than others. With this placement you've probably seen or experienced things that really made you question humanity. Dont let those experiences shape the type of person you'll be. You gotta learn to let shit go and not be bitter or have a victim mentality. Be careful not to burn yourself out. Drowning yourself in work to ignore your feelings. You dont always have to do everything on your own... collaborating is just as rewarding i promise. It would be beneficial to learn how to except help, knowing when to back down and not being so critical of yourself.

Cancer: If they dont appreciate everything you do FCK EM. No but fr with moon here you may feel like people overlook the things you do for them. Cancer moons can be way to stubborn and stand in there on way because of the fear of change. Repeating the same lessons way more than they should have to. When your redirect your energy to new experiences and growth your determination and passion unmatched. This is type of person you want to have on your team they bring so much positive energy and comfort.

Leo: Main character syndrome AF lol Unnecessarily rebellious at times growing up you may have felt your parents were controlling on how you expressed your creativity or because of the way you grew up you express your creativity in a rebellious way in relation to your family. Your career could be taboo. I could see a lot of onlyfans stars having moon in leo. Success in career comes more natural for you because of your consistency and ambitious nature. Yall really find pleasure in chasing money. Dont get so carried away with fulfilling your material desires that you dont leave time for introspection and searching for who you really are away from the titles.

Virgo: How does it feel to be kids favorite? A happy home life is important for this placement. Theres an innate need to belong. You love parties, holidays and kids ofc. Hosting parties and having a full house will give you happiness. Where this placement gets stuck is not being able to let go of the past. Getting sucked into the loophole of self pity and regret. Focus your attention on what you can do and what you can change. You work better with other ppl there to bounce ideas off of. Let your gaurd down, Succuss is reached quicker for you when you collaborate. Having this placement is testing your ability to strengthen your willpower and resourcefulness. Once you can do that you'll manifest way easier. Careful not to live beyond your means. Dont let desires put you in debt. Trust your intution, take the first step and take the risk. You go be perfectly fine.

Libra: Your love language is def quality time and acts of service this is very important for this placement to feel loved. Yall thrive in group settings and really value friendships. Even if you dont talk that much it makes you feel better to be around others. If you want to get with a Libra moon the best way is to become their friend first. You may have a tendency to put yourself in drama and create chaos among your inner circle though lil messy ass. Always wanting to be right, when this placement is in its lower natures is a good example of the native american folklore of the hunter that stuck a blood coated blade in ice knowing the wolf couldnt resist. It licked the blade continuously not realizing it was slowing bleeding out. The only way for the wolf to survive is to acknowledge its self destructive behavior. Bottom line just because you can ignore something doesnt mean others are going to do the same. Just becasue it didnt effect you doesnt mean it didnt effect them. Make the effort to listen to understand not listen to respond. Your words matter use them responsibly and take breaks from people or things when you feel you need to, your mental health will thank you.

Scorpio: Transformation happens with this placement alot. Moments of feeling isolated or depressed may be brought on by extreme emotional shifts. Anxiety and fear is no stranger to the scorpio moon. It can be to the point of really debilitating you. You've experienced things you've kept to yourself or have repressed but the issue continues to reappear time after time like a broken record. If it hasnt been dealt with it way on you really heavy and appear in your dreams often. You've felt shame, not understanding how you couldve allowed yourself to be in that predicament in the first place but seriously bro shit happens. It can be hard to maintain emotional balance with moon in scorpio, so its essential to have methods to release your emotions in healthy ways. Careful not to become bitter or victimizing with things dont go the way your controlling ass intends. Vengeance doesnt work well for you it often backfires, you'll try to set somebody house on fire and you burn yourself in the process. You may feel that people often oppose for no reason that you have to go through power struggles to be heard or to get the things you want. You may second guess opening up and are critical of yourself and others but opening yourself up to the world will be one of the best things you can do for your relationships and career. Your maturity and originality is threatening. Express yourself in your full nature and make people adapt to you not the other way around. You have authoritarian energy and if your putting yourself out there which ik you are, yr often mistaken for the boss. That is if your not already the boss. Im sure your that your the boss. Mwahahaha. Your demeanor comes across as serious and strict. Ppl naturally think let me not play with them. Your standards are high for yourself and your partner. You wouldnt be with somebody who doesnt match up to your standard. You need to feel like the person you’re with is equally as respected as you in any room you walk in.

Sagittarius: Im sure you believe you were meant to be famous. Sagittarius moons are very charismatic and great negotiators with a very convincing personality they are great at creating solutions quickly. So ofc that makes its very easy for them to make friends. In relationships they attract and are attracted to more dominate personalities. Loving the idea of love but really being in denial about that. Def gives player vibes they have flirtatious ass whore ways lmao. If you cheating ik you not even finna try hard to hide it. Easily bored they will chase thrills lowkey in a running from your problems type of way. Where sag moons can grow is appreciating the value they bring and not feeling the need to always compare themselves to others. Don't attach your self worth to financial security. Be more secure in what you believe and don't back down so easily when others challenge your ideas.

Capricorn: The moon doesn't like being here. Its emotionally depressing actually lol. I'm sure you've already read enough depressing interpretations on cap moons tho so this one is not going to be that. This one is meant to empower you. Youve experienced alot of chaos anger and pain. You've experienced very intense situations that have completely emotional up rooted you. But the smoke always clears and its important for to spend time away from the people and places that have caused this. Take the steps needed to regroup to be by yourself to develop better understanding of your emotions and learn what it is that truly want from your life. If you are not following your intuition it is easy for you to end up in friendships and relationships that do not mean you well. Your not the type of person who can just hang with anyone you need to very intentional about who you allow into your life. Communicate your feelings stop keeping everything bottled in. That shit will drive yo ass crazy. You dont have to be the strong friend all the time your emotions are valid, open up to ppl and share that shit because you dont share often you open up and talk people listen. Use that power to help others that have been through similar experiences to you. When you succeed in whatever obstacles you overcome ppl cant do anything but respect it bc your road was slow and steady but you stayed with it. When it comes to relationships you are very black and white you'll commit yourself fast but if you feel you cant trust the person you may still deal with them but emotional you shut them out. You like being partnered up rather its a relationship or situtationship you deal with the person for a long time.

Aquarius: I want to give you a hug, you are too analytical for your own good. Baby you need to stop thinking so much and you need to feel, you need to experience, act on impulse, dont give yourself time to think about everything that could go wrong. You sabotage so much of your own happiness that way. But i understand people have disappointed you so many times you feel you must do everything on your own. Its like nobody understands you or that people are committed to misunderstanding you. But news flash your not that expressive with your feelings how is anybody going to know if you dont tell them. Yall are cute though with yall dry ass humor. Listen stop being such a fly on the wall you hold as much value as anyone else stop acting like your presence is a fuckn burden. You dont have be agreeable all the the time they will be O FUCKN K. You are very intelligent and more people need to know that. Believing in yourself and communicating is your lesson. Shine your light and stop playing like fr...

Pisces: Ok we’re gonna get the sad shit out the way first. Just how yall like. I really feel like yr parents just let yall cry it out as a baby and you took that personal lmao. No but fr i feel like you always came across like you can handle things so you weren’t really checked on everyone just assumes you'll be ok. You come across as very strong and resilient which is beautiful but everybody needs a shoulder to lean on. Okay now remember how i said yall took that personally ummhm you can be very vengeful never forgetting he littlest slight somebody done towards you. Yall resort to committing crimes rather easily if you need some money lmao im not mad at it though. Literally rationalizing damn near anything if that means youll get what you want. And another thing yall be lying fr. lol sometimes it really do be on accident though you just forgot what really happened and your imagination is very vivid you thought that was the truth. You can be too hard on yourself sometimes you see very clearly the person you want to be so you put so many time limits and expectations on yourself. Chill out enjoy the journey and flow through life the way you know how to. You have very high standards so anything you invest your energy too is executed properly. I honestly cant even imagine a Pisces moon not running their own business. Im sure you cant either. You naturally have very authoritarian energy. Theres not much push and pull when it comes to you getting your way people go with your flow pretty easily. Naturally you wouldnt assume a pisces to be practical but they actually are. Sure they dream big but if they didnt know how to practically implement that into this realm that would just be depressing as hell. When yall find something that works for you, you are very disciplined at seeing it through. Very protective over those you love yall def give stand up when i walk in the room vibes lol

[andhumanslovedstories]

hi! i'm gonna overshare a little bit but i'm doing my nursing prereqs right now and i'm really worried. i'm kind of really mentally ill and i've been worrying recently if nursing is worth it. i want to help people and it sounds so interesting and i love medical stuff but i don't want to get burnt out with the stress and long hours. someone told me that nursing is a lot like being a restaurant server, and i don't want to go to school and get a degree and a career that's literally just serving again. is it satisfying? is it rewarding? is it soul-killing? i'm scared

hi there! I'll overshare in return! I'm just coming off three months of disability for burnout (which for me is just depression but with a name you can use in the workplace). My job didn't cause my depression, but it certainly exacerbated it. The hours, the stress, the constant exposure to people suffering and the limits on your ability to do something about it, all those suck and they can break your brain. (On the other hand, I've been majorly depressed while working at an ice cream parlor where the walk-in freezer was for smoking weed. You can be depressed anywhere.)

And it is a hard job! Harder in some parts of the field than others. Different places have different nursing cultures, different laws, different staffing, etc. Where I work, there's good protection and advocacy for nursing. That's not true everywhere.

With all that said--I really like nursing. I get to do work that I know contributes good to the world. I get to solve very practical problems. I meet people I would never otherwise meet. I have the opportunity every shift to do something that I am proud of. And a lot of times, I find it fun! It's fun to brainstorm how to make someone who's been puking all night feel better. It's fun to see your efforts rewarded, even in small ways. It's fun to stop something before it becomes an emergency. It's fun bustling around, juggling a dozen different things. It's not ALWAYS fun. But for me, the work is not just meaningful but also enjoyable.

That's how I knew I had bad burnout btw. Even when things went well and I did work I was proud of, every shift was such a fucking slog.

If you are interested in the basic work of nursing (managing the human response to illness and promoting health), then there's a million and one jobs you can do with a nursing degree. They cater to different traits. I've discovered I really like precepting new nurses, I like working on the floor with its routine and concrete goals, and I like symptom management. I don't like critical care or the emergency department or working on stuff that isn't patient care, like paperwork and charge nursing. I like novelty but not chaos. I like independence but not being left entirely to my own devices. I like that I physically cannot take any of my work home. I do not like being on committees. So for me, right now at this point in my life, I like being a basic med-surg night shift float pool nurse. I would be absolutely miserable as a neuro ICU critical care day shift nurse. I would be bored to death being an inpatient rehab night nurse. Being a nurse manager would probably make me suicidal again.

If you find the basic work interesting and rewarding, you can tailor it to your taste. (I can't recommend floor nursing enough for the adhd havers amongst us.)

and last thing, regarding mental illness: I think a lot of nurses (and ppl in healthcare in general) struggle with mental illness way more than they think they do. Someone who knows they have depression and works to manage it will likely be more resilient than someone endlessly pushing through their fatigue and misery. Probably a better nurse, too. I take meds, go to therapy, get sleep, push myself to eat, take sick days, protect my limited energy, do physical activity--I'm a gym girlie now!!--because I'm treating a disease I know that I have. Just knowing that there's something up with your brain and doing something about it puts you way ahead like half of the people who work the emergency department.

[vaspider]

Intro Post, updated March 1, 2023

I post all asks under the name they were submitted under, and I post them when I feel like answering them. I will never honor a request to answer an ask privately or anonymously. Anon is never turned on. These are hard self-care boundaries. Please block the tag "harassment tag" if you don't want to be subjected to some of the horrible shit I get sent sometimes.

If you like what I do, please consider hiring me, consider buying something from NerdyKeppie (the shop I own with my spouse - we do custom work!), consider buying me a coffee or becoming a Patron or tossing some money in my PayPal tip jar. I am a disabled, queer, fat, Jewish non-binary butch whose entire income is derived from selling Quality Queerwear via our company NerdyKeppie (we also offer patches of all sorts, nerd gear, etc -- if you don’t see it, ask!), Patreon (queer fiction for a dollar) and freelance work.

If asking me to boost a post for you, ask at most once per week, and please don't make that the only way you interact with me, or follow me just to send an ask that I boost your posts. I notice, and I'll end up just blocking you if you make me feel "used." It's gross, y'all. I'm glad to help, but don't use me. It's getting to a point where I'm starting to feel pretty gross about it, and I'm one of the more relaxed ppl about boosting posts, so please don't put me in a position where I feel like I have to stop doing it.

I will not debate my identity or its history with anyone. I am a transmasculine non-binary butch lesbian, a cripple, a dyke, and lots of other things, too. You don't get a vote in that, and if any of those words are words you can't stand to have someone use around you in reference to himself, go ahead and block me. I won't censor my identity for your comfort; I took a long time becoming proud of who I am.

No, I am not an anti or an anti-anti. Literally no one cares about these distinctions outside of Tumblr. Please leave me alone. I am not going to have that conversation. No is a complete sentence.

I’m not interested in interacting with TWERFs, SWERFs, or any sort of exclusionary LGBTQ/queer people. Y'all are exhausting.

Do the work to root out TERF/2nd-wave "man bad woman good" philosophies from your head. Do the work to root out the gendered behavior you were taught. I am not here to raise other people's children.

I am not here to raise other people's children. My daughter is an adult and I am done being responsible for the experiences of a minor. If you read or interact with me, you acknowledge that you chose to do that and I can't control what happens to what I post once I post it on my Tumblr. People will reblog it and I can't control where it ends up. I can only control what I say in my space, which I do.

Curate your own online experiences. If you don't like seeing what I write, then add 'vaspider' to your "filtered content" list and don't bother me about it. Tumblr is a 17+ environment and I am not responsible for you seeing things you don't like. Adults having adult conversations do not need to be filtered for children. This is your notification.

I’ve been Out for over 30 years. I don't tolerate lectures from strangers, especially people half my age, about history I lived through.

I'm transmasc and if you believe transmisandry/transandrophobia aren't "real things," or that transmascs aren't "really oppressed," please just leave me alone. Oppression Olympics are bad, actually.

My immediate family consists of my partners, my adult daughter, and our dogs.

No one in my immediate family is cis or het. I have been called Spider for 20+ years, & now a lot of people call me Mama Spider. Mom is a role, it need not be gendered.

This is a lot shorter than it used to be. I don't really feel like posting paragraphs explaining stuff anymore.

My icon has lore, apparently.

I post all asks and anon is never turned on.

[weaverpop]

lil heads up i have some agnst to offer

so we know Mk is gonna be struggling with his decision at the pillar in S5, the idea that he might of made the wrong choice after all. its def gonna be a dark thought in his mind. also still struggling with his monkie form as at this point it's still associated with the whole "harbinger of chaos" thing and thus is seen as a bad thing currently in his eyes. not to mention a blow to his self identity. the therapy helps but he's still struggling with those thoughts,and his monkey body, still not really touching on them. and then the nightmares start. he dreams of what might of happened had he not been able to get the stones to work, he dreams of what bad things might happen in the future now that the mortal realm has been altered. what it was the nine-headed demon was trying to warn him about, and the chaos. sometimes even he dreams about how everyone might of had better lives in the new cycle. how Nezha and his family couldn't have been happier from the start. some are so bad they even cause panic attacks on occasion

this leads to one night when Nezha's spending the night and is woken up to the sound of glass breaking, and MK isn't in bed with him. he finds him huddled in a tight ball, hyperventilating on the bathroom floor body flashing between human and monkey, one had cut up to hell from punching the mirror which is completely smashed. seeing nezha he just starts rambling off apologies, for fucking up the world, for dooming them, for stealing a chance for a happier timeline. he's convinced himself he's being punished and the dreams are visions because of how detailed and vivid they are. which honestly I wouldn't put it past that, we don't know what happened to Nuwa and many ppl think she'd try to convince or force MK back to the pillar somehow. but it's just as if not more likely MK's long term built-up trauma, feelings of guilt, and paranoia, projecting themselves as really lucid nightmares.

Tw for heavy angst and senstitove topics!

Oof, why you gotta do my heart like that anon?!

You’ve basically got mk down pat! Poor boy been through so much 😭it’s already canon he has nightmares, so it would make sense that they would escalate after the whole self sacrifice thing.

I also love the visual of Nezha finding mk in that state, switching beteeen forms. I feel like after s5 mk would be spending more time in monkey form and less time in human. To the point where ‘human’ becomes more of a glamor. So for Nezha to see him flickering like that is a huge statement to MK’s mental state! He’s struggling and struggling HARD. The others don’t really understand because they’ve never been in that situation where it was either them personally, or the WORLD. But you know who has?

Nezha.

Nezha has done that before in a similar copasity. He’s had to sacrifice himself to save the ones he loves. To know what it’s like to be destined for tragedy. But he came out the other end.

It’s Nezha, the formerly proclaimed demon child, bringer of terrible luck, lotus prince, who is able to see mk for what he needs. The others love Mk, they tell him so, but they don’t understand the way Nezha does.

Nezha helps to comfort mk. He doesn’t tell mk it was wrong. He doesn’t tell him it’s ok. Nezha simply tells him that he’s there for Mk. He tells Mk that everyone is alive, that he made the right choice in the end, and that he couldn’t be happier with the outcome.

It’s not easy. It’s not a one and done deal. But it starts the healing process.

This is one of the main reasons I ship lotusnoodle. Because the parallels are amazing, and I could absolutely see Nezha doing this even platonically. So yea.

Also jail for anon for making me feel things!

[malleusthehammer]

Humanity and Gods playing baseball!

Tee hee i got this in a dream :3 anyways this is just gonna be a silly little thing with my more favorited Gods/Humans just cuz :3 Hope u enjoy!! (i’m sorry if some of these r ooc -~-‘) Also it’s divided by yk humanity vs gods so yeah. Also if you enjoy this, my requests are open!!

Jack the Ripper

This gentleman is very hesitant going up to bat. I’m telling you. Bro is SHAKING in his boots but won’t say anything.

Def closes his eyes when he swings. like GGGGGSGSGGAGS

This mf IS FAST AS HELL THO.

Won’t Can’t slide for shit

More than likely right or left field. He’s fast and quick on his feet so he seems like a good outfielder.

Please tell him to keep his cap on. AND DONT LET HIM PUT IT BACKWARDS.. i love this man to death but he has A HUGE forehead (god bless ~<~)

Okay let’s say he doesn’t wanna play- he bat boy ong. He be getting those bats.

BEST TEAMMATE EVER

he is the best comforter when u get down on urself for striking out or missing a ball (me)

this dudes number is 18- idk why he just seems like an 18 guy

in other words this man has my heart.

Buddha

Mf chill as hell. Bro will be slacking but yet be an amazing player like HUH?!

Wears his cap backwards 100% so that like one strand of hair is out like always

Bro is always sneaking candy and the blue calls him out on it.

2nd or shortstop. Since he can see how the batter is gonna swing he can already predict where it’s gonna go so he’s like on his feet all the time

Bro hits the ball and just watches it before taking his time walking the bases (i mean technically you can do that)

He looks HELLA GOOD in a baseball uniform

mfs number is probably 69..

LAUGHS SO HARD when someone messes up

overall he’s just a hell of a good player like dayumn !!

Kojiro Sasaki

lowkey a good player

bros title is literally “Worlds biggest loser” So he swings at everything. I mean ik he’s can predict battles or whatever but i’d feel he’d have a harder time predicting pitches

He’s and old man. that kinda speaks for itself. so he kinda slow/pos

First base man. he’s tall- flexible and yeah- 1st base bro

HE STICKS HIS PONYTAIL THROUGH THE BACK OF HIS BASEBALL CAP ITS SO CUTE

THAT OR HE BRAIDS HIS HAIR OMGG

this man LOVES sunflower seeds like absolutely (who wouldn’t?! Buddha..)

slaps people on the back REALLY hard when telling them good job

Hates cleats. just hates them for no reason

Very confused on how to swing a bat but gets it in like 2 tries

THIS MAN CAN SLIIIIDDEEEE

if he isn’t playing 1st- he’s probably centerfield :3

DEADASS HE’LL LET YOU DO HIS EYEBLACKK!!

bros number is like in the 70s. more than likely 72 idk it just feels right lmao

sometimes wears his jersey open? like not buttoned >:3

I LOVE SASAKI SM HES AWHEHEGSFSG

Qin Shi Huang

Bro is the pitcher. nothin else.

still wears his blindfold on the mound obvi :3

BRO HAS AN ARM.

can slide decently

Hella fast like Jack.

Clean up batter? yk he be hittin it then just bringing all the ppl on base in

He’ll strike someone out then be like “Hao!!”

Slaps people on the back like Sasaki

my man is just and overall vibe so like mmhmm

The teams biggest cheer leader

I’m feeling like.. 59?

Dude he thinks he looks so good in the uniform and he does

sometimes since yk “The road is where i lead” he just starts walking around the bases randomly.

random as hell but he has like really sweaty hands

PLEASE PLEASE DO THIS MANS EYEBLACK. PLEASE.

just overall a silly little goose :3

Nikolai Tesla

THIS MAN IS GOING TO WALK UP TO TJE PLATE AND TRY AND EXPLAIN HOW THE FUCKING VELOCITY AND SPEED OF A BAT WORK.

totally not a sucky hitter..

3rd base- he’s quick quitted and 3rd doesn’t call for too much movement

his glove has those damn tesla coils n shit

bro spent ages like making his own glove and shit

THIS MAN. THIS MAN LOOKS SO FINE IN UNIFORM.

Jogs around the bases.

I’m feeling like.. 47 for his number

Dude will be pondering on second base when he’s running, thinking of anything BUT baseball at that time sooo

Dude would be AMAZED at pitches

someone would be like “SWING TESLA” and he just does the thing where he tuts them and shakes his finger and goes “No, non, nem, nein..”

He’s just.. a lot to handle.

Don’t ever take him to a baseball game. he’d get hella bored and just leave.

His hair is like- LUCIOUS in the sunlight

dude can not stay still in the dugout he’s always pacing

Yeaahh that’s it :3 i’ll probably do a Gods version later but my asks are open! so feel free to ask abouttt rn im mainly doing RoR but i’ll dip my toes into somethin new soon!!

[polyamorousmood]

hi! i'd love to get some sympathy/advice/etc from other ppl about this. so long story short my girlfriend (wonderful amazing great i am so happy with her) has a boyfriend, and i at first their rs was meant to be ephemeral, but then things changed and they realized they could make a longform commitment work out, so they tried! problem is, during the trial run, the guy realized poly wasnt working for him and he failed to communicate this well, so it caused a situation where he was very much just fishing for my partner to get in a closed rs with him. when she expressed how hurtful and wrong that was, he apologized and changed his behavior and after some more various ups and downs we've now settled into a pretty good situation where he's giving polyamory a serious try and seems sincerely committed to making it good! i trust my gf wholeheartedly and i want nothing but the best for them both, and for that brief period of time where it was ok we even had 3person dates and really special interactions, so i came to sincerely like guy a decent bit and i am cautiously but sincerely optimistic. however, by having to admit shit to himself, he's now of the mind that he'd like a much more segmented-off rs with my partner, which is fine, but also the resentment he felt towards not being able to have my gf all to himself made him lose his positive feelings towards me and now he expresses a (his words) 'goodwilled indifference' and we havent even Talked since he tried to effectively ultimatum my gf out of being poly. and that is just SO hurtful when i know i did absolutely nothing wrong to warrant the loss of what i felt was a genuinely precious and positive connection, and like, the first time ive had the chance to have a metamour! like as someone who really cares about learning how to admit fault i really cannot stress enough how much i didnt do jack shit here i was just vibing and trying to be nice and now it's just this sad thing i have to deal with. i know it has everything to do with his own preferences and insecurities and nothing to do with me, but i still feel a big child-like sense of betrayal and injustice and it makes me want to be mean and bitter and defensive ("well if you dont give a shit about me and wanna pretend i don't exist, then im gonna do the same! how do you like that, huh?" type beat). i know those feelings are to be worked with and worked through instead of acted upon, but it's still hard :-( i dont really miss *him*, really, i just miss not being in a polycule that has a member who struggles so much with polyamory. and though i trust her deeply, i am still sad and worried that this is a precarious situation that can end up hurting my partner and hampering her ability to feel free and happy in polyamory, which only adds to my mistrusting of the guy. anyone else in a similar situation, havin' to work with a poly-newbie metamour or something similar? im not crazy for getting bad vibes, despite my best hopes for them? thank you either way, i dont know enough poly people irl and ive been bursting with this shit for a bit so it helps even to just ramble it out

Yeah, I've been in similar places. Just putting the read more immediately because I don't have a good pithy introduction. But uh, TL;DRI guess? 🤷‍♀️: its totally fair for you to struggle with some negative feelings. But you are still in it together (even if he's pretending you don't exist) and the only way to the other side is through.

Its shitty, its exhausting, its infuriating. And it's all the more frustrating that you like... don't even WANT to be mad at him cause he DID apologize and now he IS trying to change the shitty parts, so you WANT to encourage that. Feels very

And it puts your mutual partner in the tough spot of having to balance⚖️ things between you two if he's unwilling to talk to you. And like, you're stuck waiting for him to come around, you can't even really DO anything, its all on HIM to prove he's not going to be an asshole forever.

And you kinda resent him for causing this much trouble basically all on his own! And then thinking he can still get all the good shit after stirring the pot! Like he tried to break you up and now you have to be the bigger person?? What kinda bullshit--

Fucking. Sucks.

I do have some advice, though as with most things, its not magic 🪄

🤬Be mad for a little bit! Allow yourself to feel it. You're not gonna wallow 🐖there, but let it hit you full force how much you dislike being in this bullshit situation. Maybe have a cry about it or throw some darts at his picture 🎯. Then, and only then,

Set it aside. Set the anger aside in your mind, set the situation aside in your discussions. Say "yup, sucks. Moving on..." and enjoy the good parts of your life.

As part of that, remember polyamory is a big ask for people who've never done it before. Him even just politely ignoring you is likely, in his mind, him compromising on everything he's believed in for years and the fundamentals of what his life will look like. That's a big deal. It's hard to do after there was previously a higher standard set, but try to give him some credit for that anyway. (Again. You are probably going to have to Be Mad first to be able to do this. That's okay. Don't skip ahead.)

I don't think having approximately the same attitude back is necessarily a bad strategy. Maybe don't do it with the petulance you presented in the ask 😝 but if you're able to just gently, non-judgmentally accept neutrality as a mode of operating with him... might save you a lot of trouble honestly🤷. Warmth is great and all, but I think it runs the risk of you burning out and feeling greater resentment down the line if it stays one sided (but you know yourself better than I do, so if you can handle it, power to you).

Know your feelings about this really well. Know what you're good with 👍, know what bothers you but you're willing to do for the good of the polycule😖, and know what really upsets you👎. Is this something you can make work long term? What changes would you need to have it work long term (including progress from him, accommodations from your partner, etc)?

Consider confronting him directly. You'll know better if that's actually a good idea in this situation than I will, but consider it. It may help you move past things to air your feelings, it may help him understand you better and vice versa, and it may lay the groundwork for a more functional relationship down the line. I must admit bias here. It is VERY important to me that things can be relaxed with my metas. The idea of refusing to engage with me feels like they're refusing to engage with the very concept of polyamory, and I that cannot work in my life - like, I run a poly blog you can guess how I value polyamory 😂 If you can be comfortable with something closer to parallel polyamory, this may be unnecessary.

And of course, through all of this, you have to talk to your partner. All of it. If you have a tendency to martyr yourself so as not to stress your partner out, overpower that tendency for this one. You are NOT doing your partner any favors by doing bottling it up. 🍾

For example, earlier I said your partner is going to have to balance things between you and your meta. It may be tempting to think you can spare her some of that by shrinking your feelings and needs, so maybe you'll just bite your tongue. However, she has to do the work anyway, and forcing her to work with incomplete information actually makes the balancing that much harder. While you shouldn't harp on them about it, she should know where you're at in all this. You owe your partner the ability to make informed decisions, and your happiness and ability to sustain a certain set-up is going to be an important factor to them! Tell them your misgivings, tell them if its going to take you some time to forgive him his bullshit, tell them if you are okay with something in the short term but don't know if you can spring it long term, tell them if you need a break from thinking about the whole damn situation. (And of course, as always, tell your partner when something feels good or is going well 😊)

It can be recovered. It will require patience. Hang in there. 🤗 I admire your commitment to figuring it out, and it sounds like you have a splendid partner who is just as committed to making it workable. I'm rooting for you all 💙💖🖤

[youremyheaven]

Hey Girl, tis is ethereal anon, also love your pfp Jennifer's Body my beloved🫶🏻🫶🏻

didi (yes I'm Indian HHAAHAHHA) I literally need your advice I'm going through my saturn mahadasha currently, started around 2022 and my entire life before was Jupiter Mahadasha and I had the worst time ever BUT I feel like I'm so much better now (thinking of it I changed myself and my entire life before my saturn mahadasha began subconsciously this is insane)

im PMSing and feeling hella angsty + eclipse szn blues and thats why i put that angsty Jennifer's Body pfp. that scene makes me cry everytime bc i relate to that feeling so much (as im sure most women do). to feel so broken and empty but still go out into the world with your "game face" on.

Saturn mahadasha lasts for 18 years so my advice is for you to stay consistent, disciplined and focused.

Saturn will TEST you and Saturn will be harsh but its for the best. some people will reach the lowest of lows and never climb up during this dasha but thats only those who refuse to learn the lessons of Saturn.

be patient. get used to moving at a slow and steady pace. WORK HARD. its going to feel like everything is 100x harder for you than others but honestly youre just in your Saturn MD , dont take it personally but good thing about going thru your Sat dasha when youre younger is that you get to unload a lot of karmic burdens and do all the dirty work when youre young and have the time and energy to do so. imagine going thru this when you're middle aged or in your old age??? GIRLLL?? to suffer when you're old is THE WORST. so consider yourself blessed to go thru this dasha in your 20s!!!

everything can feel like its falling apart but i promise u, if u are a person of virtue, youll emerge victorious.

saturn is about being strict!!! that means not being petty, malicious, evil, snarky, bitchy, lazy, backbiting, ruthless, partial etc

be punctual. be focused. DO THE WORK. do something everyday that gets u closer to ur goals. DO NOT BE IDLE. SATURN HATES IDLE PPL. DONT WASTE TIME. THAT PISSES OFF SATURN!!!

saturn is literally work hard, wait for a while and then play hard. BE PATIENTTT.

[coff-in]

I feel like whenever I’m having a bad day (or in this case, few months), I see other people have bad days too. It’s crazy how the world works and we all unite together to have either crappy or happy moments; it’s kind of wholesome that we all are brought together through our experiences and can share those vulnerabilities. It makes me feel a little better knowing I’m not isolated or alone, and that I’m not the only person with problems or struggling to get by.

I saw your last post, you said to ask about pressure, so I’m asking: How do you deal with pressure?

This is what I do when I feel stressed (maybe you’ll find some relief in this too): It’s a rule for me to always cry when something goes wrong, because crying released happy chemicals!

If I’m still bothered, I sleep for a few hours, take a Power Nap or just sleep and see if it still bothers me. If it still bothers me, I eat strawberry mochi. I also like coloring in those coloring books with flowers and a inspiring quote, it makes me feel better. When I’m sad, I always put on some Lo-fi or old love songs.

I always try reading Andrew Graves x reader content—or, at least what I haven’t seen. It’s a small fan base for separate Andrew Graves content. It’s how I discovered you a few months ago too! I enjoy looking for your work on my dashboard and I’m excited to see what you do next.

I hope thing’s get better for you, Coff-in! Never be ashamed or feel guilty about your own feelings or mental health. Don’t worry about time or rushing things, rushed work is never good work. Always remember to take breaks and worry about yourself; it’s your life after all. From one human being to another, take care of yourself. 💜⭐️

hi stellar :D when i asked ppl to send me questions about pressure, i meant the roblox game pressure ^^; this is ok tho!! no harm no fowl! (or is it foul? fowl is a bird, huh)

when i get stressed i usually get take a nap, maybe eat something, or watch youtube to distract myself. crying sounds really nice but i can't cry easily, sadly :( i also just try to draw! i like drawing and i find it easy to just pick up a pencil and doodle something :3 i also do it when i'm bored

its a tad bit hard for me to realize that "oh this blog is my blog, i can do with it what i want". or maybe i do realize that but still feel like i can't do certain things. hm. hm hm hm. so neat, such whimsy :3 i also relate to you seeking out andrew graves x reader content, but recently for me i've been searching out sebastian solace x reader fics. idk if people know this but im mostly a selfshipper, so seeing the whole zerum drama happen in that fandom is like... idk kinda silly to me. tldr: people were mad that the co-creator of the game (zerum) shipped her oc (zerum) with the shopkeeper sebastian. there's obviously more to it than that, but it reminded me when i was younger and i made a boyfriend oc for my persona (who i also sometimes wrote/referred to him as her brother... huh)

i'm going to be busy with work again, so hopefully i'll be able to write more since i usually start writing when i'm trying to avoid work or just to get away from it ^^; i hope that you're still doing well despite these hard months! i think it's a bit too easy for some to cur inward and isolate themselves from others. it was kinda nice being away from my coff-in blog. i do not say this as in 'i want to leave', but it was nice to just... idk feel like i didn't have to write? or take my time. i felt kinda bad tho, like there was a lingering thought in my head that i was deceiving you all. i was still able to write, so why wasn't i writing? stuff like that i guess

thank you for sending your ask, please take care of yourself!! <3

[destinyc1020]

I think a lot of people were put off by the way Austin/his team did a lot with the Elvis promo. Bt every yr there seems to b a white male actor who is method (to an extent) and ppl talk about it, so he was just that man lol as a non fan i culdnt even finish Elvis bt thought he was great in Dune 2 n ive heard good things about him in MOA (again, from non fans). In the end he seems to b doing well

I also think its cool that a lot of these popular young actors (austin, flo, Z, etc) are non nepo babies. Nothing against TALENTED nepo babies who acknowledge their priviledge (which seems to b kinda rare for some of the younger ones for some reason ☠️) bt its cool to see younger ppl, who have little to no hollywood connections, achieve their dreams from the ground up. Really shows that hard work can pay off

I don't think he did anything wrong with Elvis press? As we've seen, WB promotes the heck out of their films lol, and "Elvis" was their one main ticket to the Oscar/awards season race. So, Austin was basically just doing what the studios wanted him to do, which is promote his/their film? 🤷🏾‍♀️

Granted, maybe he didn't realize at the time that he could have probably not accepted certain talk show interviews? I think he thought he had to accept everything maybe? 😕 I know ppl can find it annoying when it seems like an actor is "everywhere", but I think WB was basically working him like a Hebrew slave on that Elvis press tour.... AND awards season.

Like, I think ppl forget that Austin had never been through a huge press tour like that before in his life. He's still very new to this level of fame.

Maybe he made a few mistakes and was a little TOO honest about how he prepped for the role lol. 😅 Even he's admitted that he probably got a little too into the role (and tbh, it probably cost him his rlshp in the process 👀), but I think he's learned from that experience and from his mistakes?

I just think he has the tendency to suffer from anxiety and felt enormous pressure.... So, him being a perfectionist, he probably did all he could to not let ppl down. 🥺

I also think its cool that a lot of these popular young actors (austin, flo, Z, etc) are non nepo babies. Nothing against TALENTED nepo babies who acknowledge their priviledge (which seems to b kinda rare for some of the younger ones for some reason ☠️) bt its cool to see younger ppl, who have little to no hollywood connections, achieve their dreams from the ground up. Really shows that hard work can pay off

I agree Anon! 👍🏾😊

I love seeing "the underdog" come up from the ground up and achieve their dreams. 🥰

Nothing against NepoBabies (Hollywood is full of them lol), but like you said, it's just nice to see actors who didn't come from wealth or major connections new able to start from the ground up, and grind their way up the Hollywood ladder through hard work and determination. 😊

I always have more of a soft spot for those types of actors because I know it was probably harder for them, and they had to really work and prove themselves.

[izacore]

trust me when I say the majority of fans are disappointed if not that tired af this time. yeah you might see some ppl coddling him on twitter but that is a small minority. and those who are not expressing on twitter are letting it out in gcs. Like the fans who have been forever are tiredddd. And that's saying something since he has no new fans this era and most of them are here since 1d. so yeah happy faith in the future with the same old team louis.

Good. This is going to be a stream of conciousness so bear with me, but recently I've been wondering if Louis or lthq aren't a bit disappointed with the fanbase so they stopped nurturing it so much? I mean, I am pretty certain that they hoped for more with FITF release and the fitf tour, considering what kind of venues they booked and how many dates they put out. And imo, if all this happened in 2020/2021 the fanbase would be more than enough to sold everything out and keep the album on top of the charts for longer. I think that maybe they saw the fanbase growth, saw the numbers the livestream pulled and then just took it for granted and thought it's always going to be like that and that fans are going to stay through everything. Unfortunately tho I feel like lthq and tbh Louis too don't really know this fanbase, its dynamic, how it operates and why people wanted to follow and support Louis in the first place so it's hard for them to work out a strategy. I mean, you won't tell me that someone business savvy would recommend pushing with the Freddie stuff that turned off A FIFTH of his 2020 fanbase off if we go off of his twitter engagement. He says that we need him and he needs us and I don't know if it's true in its entirety anymore... I mean he does need us but do we need him? What content is his putting out there for us to enjoy. When we look at the doc alone it's stunts and struggles of a straight laddy lad devoted dad. I'm nkt sure that people necessarily need this person. At least personally the reason why I fell in love with him as an artist and as a person was cause he seemed such an inspiring, fearless, bold and resillent personality and I could believe in him and his fight. This is who I need. Because what exactly is he now against or what is he fighting for? Do lthq and Louis even know why fans feel such a strong connection to him? Why they want to support him? Cause in my opinion it feels like they have they idea of the fanbase completely wrong and I think they kinda proved it with the doc where they shows passion as camping and stalking completely writing off any other parts of his amazing fanbase. What it shows to me is that they only have a surface level knowledge about Louis' fandom and like with everything, the bare minimum is their comfort zone. And now you have this thing with this cancelation, where he didn't even mention what exactly he cancels and who exactly is affected as if hey let's pretend it was all a dream. And comparing it to him writing a lengthy explanation for when they had to postpone the signings for the fans in the UK.... I guess it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I could go on and on and on about Louis' situation but I think I can bring it all down to 3 main points:

1. As long as Louis and lthq don't figure out, that it wasn't the extra laddy lad Louis who sold out the first tour and who people followed back then, nothing will change.

2. Louis and lthq have to stop wanting to be an indie artist with mainstream numbers.

3. Bare minimum won't fly forever. You base your image on your connection with fans and they always show up for you, but when was the last time you showed up for them, when you went the extra mile for the fan experience? If you want the way you treat your fans to be your main thing, then I'm sorry but you could learn a lot from people like Lewis Capaldi when it comes to nurturing and connecting with the fans.

[beatcroc]

@midnightcityx0x0 I'm not reblogging that fuckmassive post AGAIN but this got too long for a reply so. On its own post now

Anyway i actually have so much trouble thinking of anything for gustavo ever lmao. Everything i have for him I've adopted from other people; rem [brickattack] as mentioned on the big post, and @synthlet/softersynths for a lot of other things. [and a couple others too but iirc synths was the one who started those ppl on it as well gfjdjds] which is to say, you'd probably get better/more interesting answers from those guys :p but yeah, fp and gus are pretty close. It's the general exposure/familiarity, the fact that fp is just a happy/pleasant and easy-to-like dude personality-wise, and for gus specifically there's also a level of "he shares a lot of traits with peppino, without peppino's Baggage™"

that last point is very very interesting but i dont know if i'd Actually get to doing a lot with it bc i typically make fake pep His Own Guy, with his similarities to peppino being almost sort of coincidental. i really really really like coming at peppino and fake pep from the "equals and opposites" angle, which like, that Can still apply for that last bit abt gus, but it's not something i've put a lot of thought into. it's also just fuckin hard to articulate outside of just showing it lmao. [i mentioned like, predator/prey animal nervousness + their reactions to fear vs aggression on the other post but to pull one for here: fake pep still has his own brand of Baggage to deal with too--different stuff than peppino's--but fp is way more open about it when it comes up as opposed to peppino having 50 fuckin walls about everything.

besides that, i also see a lot of general banter about gus being a very Nature Guy™ who likes to find beauty in all the weird fucked up shit nature does [especially in a world as cartoony as theirs], which i enjoy a lot bc girl same. fp may be the farthest thing from natural, but i certainly think there is a lot of beauty to be found in his fucked-up-ness. and i'm sure gustavo sees it too.

and then a fun one i've come into pretty recently for them is that they both care abt peppino a lot, but peppino is very bad at...being cared for. so because you can rarely approach pep directly about anything if it involves vulnerability [again: 50 fuckin walls], and because they both know him very well in different ways and can get through to him about different things, they end up working together a lot in sort of a conspiratory way. plotting scheming etc. 'have you noticed anything wrong lately + how are we going to help this guy out today', that sort of thing. the idea there can go a lot of ways but i'm partial to them using like goofy cartoon antics to set him up for something that'll be beneficial to him. [also brick is in on it too technically but brick is a rat and therefore only sapient when it's funny.] peppino rarely realizes what theyre doing until it's too late. get loved idiot

TANGENTIAL. DONT even get me started on the angst oh my god. you. i am pointing at you you made me think about this. i am not usually one who likes doing angst or making things excessively bad for the hell of it but. a bitch may be considering. under cut bc its unrelated to gustavo stuff but this is as good an excuse as any to share. [+ also extra thoughts on it bc of COURSE]

so i said that at the end there but then a few hours later i found myself toying around with a script and getting a good way to set it up.... im hoping i hit a roadblock on it and drop it because if i DO end up getting it all the way written i will definitely end up drawing it at some point and that would be uh... a big undertaking. it would also be one of the last ones i do bc there's other stuff i still want to build on, so IF, i cannot stress enough IF i go to make it a thing for real, it won't be this year.

for the bits i have so far though it's interesting how much it's shaping up to be like. a showcase of just how well peppino knows fp. which is surprisingly well? even better than gus, despite gus' being WAY more emotionally perceptive. peppino doesn't engage with fp more than necessary and rarely acts interested in his business, but i do think he spends a lot of time just... observing him. if only because pep is neurotic and anxious and fp is weird and freaky so it is a constant thing of "ok what the hell is this. is this something i need to be worried about?" whenever fp is doing shit, and the answer is always ''no'', but it's the sort of instinct that never leaves you yknow. so he's just very familiar with all fp's mannerisms and reactions and whatnot, even if he doesn't really use that knowledge much.......except when things go south. he's a lot more perceptive of fp acting 'wrong' or 'off' compared to gus, who would just be seeing it on a more normal 'aw he looked upset' kind of level.

i talk a lot abt fp's nervousness but the other negative thing that's just as strong with him is frustration. it doesn't usually get to him too bad, and he doesn't really show it around people outside of the occasional eyeroll; but it's stuff like not being able to communicate properly with anyone and getting constantly [negatively] misinterpreted; knowing he's Kinda Shite at his "purpose" [i.e. being 'better peppino' or whatever] and not being able to do anything about it [i don't think he cares about that much any more but i imagine it's still gotta be a bit annoying to remember]; not getting closure for like Anything that happened at the tower, etc... and while i DON'T think this would be the kind of thing to make him go berserk [i still don't really have any idea or framing for that lol; the script starts off a couple weeks in the aftermath and i pointedly don't do flashbacks], it's definitely the kind of thing that would get exacerbated by isolation. the kind of thing that's easy to focus on and spiral about without anyone to ground him; the kind of thing that could keep him from thinking clearly and he might just need to Take It Out on something after awhile.

peppino remains a terrible mediator but he is wildly resilient and tenacious, and if you need a guy to slap some sense into you... i mean he can very literally do that, and do it better than just about anyone.

[particular-one]

HIIIIHIII Could i request a matchup .....? Enstars, twst and hypmic pls ...!!!

name is kitten or 🐏 emoji! i preferably dont use pronouns but she/her it/its are ok. i have no romantic preference in terms of fictional characters hahaaa.

my mbti is INTP, tho i tend to be the most "extroverted" one if placed in a room with other introverts. im also a 8w9 + virgo if that helps. also AB blood type though i dont see many people who believe in that stuff on here.

uhmmmm my personality. im pretty sociable for an introvert, but can get burnt out super quickly IRL (but i can talk for hours over text). due to the autism i cant express myself IRL but i make up for it a lot through the internet by being uhhh a real character online.

im like a bimbo with autistm and ADHD basically, airheaded cutesy girly, bad at filtering myself so i can definitely be rude/mean asf .. super bad attention span.. always with a friend. i Can like get carried away and get very mean to people im not friends with. overall im very temperamental and ive always been like "pretty girl but comes off rude/fake but shes also the class clown kinda". since humor just comes naturally to me kinda.

hobbies include: arts (drawing, making art dolls, sewing, designing outfits/costumes, fashion, ect). i used to do dancing and track running but had to stop due to health complications (im super low energy and cant be as active as most ppl). I LOVE idols so much too.

What i look in a partnerrr?? Uhh nobody shorted than me (162cm) just cuz i cant see them romantically no matter how hard i try. anything is ok honestly as long as I can talk to them for ages and theyre not too loud/chaotic. overall want someone to be as equally as down bad as i am with them for me (if not more haha)

misc ... uhh my favorite love language is acts of service. i dont have to force myself to do anything i struggle with like putting thoughts into words or trying to act affectionate (tho i do get cuteness aggression). i love recieving words of affirmation lmao i need the reminding that they do love me !!!!.

i lovee cats, BOBA i kind of have an addiction to it. cute stuff cute ppl ect... i dont rlly like public affection (its cringe asf seeing couples act lovey dovey in public Sory Im not doing that).

I WROTE SO MUCH SORRY i didnt even notice Please forgive me. uhh last bit of trivia umm. if i were half-animal id have bunny ears and a tail... or id be a deer. THATS IT OK SORRY.

hi kitten! rrararararraa a hypmic AND enstars request?? im so excited :> and don't worry about rambling, it gives me a better idea on who i can match you with! hope you like them!

ENSEMBLE STARS ---- SHU ITSUKI

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ shu's first meeting with you was not actually the first time he's seen you. your handiwork with fashion had piqued his interest for the longest time, but he never actually knew that it was you behind those pieces. so imagine his surprise when he finds out that the genius behind the designs was in fact, you! though shu came off as fussy at first, especially since he wanted to get close to you to observe how you perfected your designs, he gradually found himself enjoying your company more and more. when he finds out about your interest in idols, this amuses him greatly, considering he is one. he'd be the last to admit he likes you, but his behavior ends up changing for the better when he's around you. as a partner, shu can be a bit extravagant with the way he shows love, but he always remembers to keep it in private to respect your preference. he's a perfectionist, so he likes to plan out your activities together down to the tiniest detail, but that's because he wants you to have the best time. shu can be rather straightforward with his words as he doesn't beat around the bush — he doesn't have a filter at times either — but everything he says about you, he truly means them. shu likes admiring you while you're busy at work (he says he's doing it because he wants to see how you do things but secretly it's because he likes watching you do something you're passionate about) but there are days where the both of you would be in the same room working on your respective designs together! he asks for your inputs and vice versa, it's usually the most fun he has.

TWISTED WONDERLAND ---- JAMIL VIPER

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ jamil was not your biggest fan when you first met — if he were being honest, you almost reminded him of kalim, and having another kalim was never good. still, you often get paired in tasks together that he had to get to know you eventually, and was he wrong about not liking you. though it took him quite a while to warm up to the idea of being in your company, he actually found himself looking forward to talking with you. surprise surprise, jamil's definitely the type of "he fell harder" in this situation. as a partner, jamil is most definitely not the publicly affectionate type. though it might seem he's keeping your relationship lowkey, it's mainly because he didn't want people (read: kalim) to make the biggest fuss about it. though he doesn't take you out that often, he's very loving and caring in private. though jamil never enjoyed the idea of serving someone, with you it was different. he'd find himself enjoying to cook your favorite food, help you out in your tasks without a word, and to make you feel as comfortable as possible. character development for him, tbh. when you tell him of your craving for boba, watch this man continuously try and succeed to making boba tea tailored to your preference.

HYPNOSIS MIC ---- NEMU AOHITSUGI

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ nemu actually met you through a chance encounter in a mock rap battle during the tdd era as audience members. it was your personality that drew her in, but she was actually surprised by how blunt you were, but if she were being honest, your humor makes her laugh a lot. your relationship means the world to her, especially since she made sure that samatoki didn't interfere as much as possible. she loves her brother, but he can get carried away when it comes to her. nemu's definitely the one who ended up liking you first, but she's unsure on how to express this to you. as a partner, nemu is very, very sweet. she's scared of messing anything up, so she carefully plans everything in advance. when she finds out that you like cats, she actually comes forward with the idea of adopting a cat together with you! it became your bonding activity, with two of nemu's favorites in the entire world: the cat and of course, you. she has your favorite boba order/s memorized and likes to surprise you with getting some. nemu's the encouraging type, so expect a lot of comforting words from her. she's also the type who likes bringing you out to shop, whether it's for your art materials or for clothes, nemu likes hearing your inputs on the items you buy (or consider buying) and takes note of them so she can surprise you with them in the future.

[pjisskullourful]

Hi! I just wanna say that you writing is just *chef's kiss* and lately you spoil us, the Ethan girlies (even tho those are comission). And i just wanna thank you for your hard work and imaginative writing . I have been a follower of yours since the 'Gay enough' era. And you opened my eyes to new possibilities and how relationship can be and also how kinks can be part of a healthy relationships (i think we all read at least one ff on tumblr that has some dubious smut scenes and toxic relationships) . Furthermore i and surely others are grateful for your blog and works since you are one of the few Måneskin fan blogs that kept writting and is still active consistently. I sincerely can say that i can't wait for the publication of the so called 'Over me' choose your own path story ( after reading the first part you are already giving us a hard time choosing bestie) and that Ethan centered imagine you announced to publish. So excited to see a softer kind of imagines comming for you. Not to say there is anything wrong with your smut writing , on the contrary, us reader can't thank you enough for it 😏 . But it is interesting to see that kind of 'get to know' the romantic interest and picturing them in a more normal settings (bookstores, cafes, quiet dinners, movie nights, doing chores) instead of the usual sexy rockstars that are seen as sex symbols. Sometimes ppl forget that Måneskin beneath the gorgeous exterior and incredible talent are just like us , people (with needs, hobbies,that have slow days in order to recharge, going out with just their friends group, etc.)

Can't wait to read your next work. Hopefully soon. Keep up the good work up queen 👑

holy fuck this is so sweet! i am so grateful that i got to wake up to this!

stream of consciousness response from me? okcurrrr

wow! thank you for saying all of this, for taking the time to send this through. it really means a lot!

*chefs kiss you on the nose* (with consent, ofcourse)

gay enough started soooooo long ago! that was literally my second request back in august of last year, so you’ve been here for ages& thank you for that. thank you for continuing to choose to spend your time here

kinking in a healthy& fun way is importnt to me for sure*99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 (wow bebe decided to stand on the keyboard instead of eating her damn breakfast, thanks dummy kitten!) anyways, as fun as it is to be flippant& etc- i do want to normalise certain things cos i know how culture can lead to behaviour. its like how lana del rey no longer performs the song ultraviolence(or said she was gonna stop, idk, i dont keep up todate with her somuch anymore, i dont know who norman rockwell is). things we excuse in the media we consume can become things we excuse in real life. so i always try my hardest to put consent, clear kink rules& safety in my shit cos this is what i have to say at the end of the day, its a reflection of me, every word& i want to believe what i say/be able to stand behind it

so keen to hear how everyone is feeling about th eupcoming decision for the conclusion of over me! somuch fun stuff coming for part two

lets get real here-- i did consider leaving. cos things have changed& i hate change, it makes me feel very unsafe. when i was getting that aggressive troll, i was wondering if there was a point to stay& keep going cos my instant reaction was to feel so isolated. that was a really emotionally defeating instance. i was planning how i would leave for real, i was planing how i could fasttrack the end of stained sheets& gay enough& thinking how to checkout cos i was questioning how worth it this all was. but at the end of the day-- the idea of leaving was even more terrifying than how awful i felt in that moment. cos i need this, quite literally. if i left, idk what i would do with myself, other than slip further into depression.at the end of the day- i do this for myself cos every word written is a moment where im not selfdestructing& mentally ripping myself to shreds. every word written is escapism for me. every word written is defiance. every word written is creativity chosen over selfdestruction& spiraling. every word written is so very significant to me cos before this i was really messed up& i wasnt writing consistently. so imma stick around& keep doing this for as long as it makes sense for me, cos i need to write, its all i really know, for more than half of my life& its ridiculously validating to have people give any kind of a crap about it

so im sticking around. i mean, i need something to keep me occupied while i wait for maneskin to get their asses to australia(have they even heard of my country?! not sure at this point)

[viktormaru]

Hey! Cypher was already my favourite character before I read your fic but, like, you wrote about him so differently you know. I never took him for a hopeful person, but you bought out that side of him that i can't oversee anymore! You made his character fully yours in that fic, and it made him very in character. Also, the passing?? the evolution of omen and cyphers feelings is very very subtle, and very nice to read. like that sure is a nice fic. very nice. 10/10.

(((((also you single-handedly made me ship omen/cypher the same lvl of cypher/sova so theres that)))))))

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((do you have any tips on characterisation)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

sorry for the mess of this ask

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥹🥹🥹 thank you anon!!! Yeah! Cypher has gone through a lot, but he has a lot of drive, a hard worker to the core, and he has this really sweet in genuine way he treats his colleagues (look at how he addresses killjoy) that speaks of a good heart idk idk

Im glad you found my interpretation good! Aahhhh!! Hushsua I poured a lot of love and thought into those fics…

Tips for characterization in general of for cypher? I have this tendency to become very obsessed with characters so I tend to read their lines over and over again as a hobby HSUHWUWHA.

When reading their lines, I try to pay attention to how they react to things, both in tone and choice of words.

Lets look at cypher for example, If you look through his lines, he’s often teasing, he’s got a bit of a gallows humor going on (“pictures of their children? Wow… way too dark”) and he likes pushing buttons (look at how much he teases viper, its like hes asking to get slapped). But his teasing its really just to lighten the mood. Whenever he has to get serious, he does, fade’s interrogation shows him putting a serious face and getting to the point. Just for the fact that he stood by her side after figuring out who she was and what she wanted spoke of how serious he is with work, he doesnt take things personally. He looks passionate for a cause, like saving his city. Hes protective of rabat and of his family he cant afford to lose. Not to mention he was killing and blackmailing ppl BEFORE valorant, he knows about getting dirty work done.

All of that starts a bigger picture of the duality of cypher as both a silly guy and a dangerous killer. They coexist.

Also Cypher hides a lot but he seems genuine in how he treats his friends, giving phoenix advice over chess, protecting killjoy from the dark web… he’s just a caring person. Then you have his little character traits to keep in mind. Like how cypher likes chess and probably enjoys outsmarting people, how he steals from his colleagues sometimes, how he indulges in stuff like expensive tea, or how he like playing high stakes.

You start grabbing all those things and put them together ans there you go, a character.

I can keep going abt cypher if you want though i have a lot HUWHUYSHSUWH

But yeah the tip is try to observe in their lines how a character reacts to certain situations and try to understand why and be coherent with that when writing them. Thats my tip i guess.

[kwonhochi]

hii for the ask game! 💛🐰🍪🐶🎧

nana hii!!!!!! <3

💛 - do you have any piercings?

just the standard two (one in each ear) rn </3 but i have been wanting more piercings for Ages i’d love to get some in my upper ear cartilage + another set in my earlobes + maybe a lumbar piercing if we’re getting crazy… maybe a nose piercing if we’re getting even crazier :3 i think piercings r so cool and i’d love to explore it more. very gender…

🐰- what do you think says the most about a person?

hmmm… im not sure honestly! ive never understood what this question meant 😭 i cant really come up w an answer for this fhskfh people are… not something i pay that much attention to? if that. makes sense? not in a self obsessed way just i dont really analyze people around me i just sorta exist alongside them. tho when the topic of anything vaguely political comes up i feel like a lot gets revealed really quickly. someones kindness and compassion when interacting with people is an importwnt trait 👍 to me. trying to cover all my bases here hopefully i answered Something..!

🍪 - if you were a cookie, what kind would you be?

a sugar cookie w either strawberry or lemon icing ^_^! but specifically from this one shop my parents would take me when i was little i have very vivid memories of it - my sibling and i used to beggg for some cookies from there anytime we went to the target across the street from it. they sold these minisized sugar cookies that were maybe the width of a pingpong ball? and they were so good the cookies were all soft and the icing was a fat dollop on top that would cling to ur upper lip or the tip of your nose when you bit into it. the taste of my childhood fr those things were the most prized treat one could receive. the shop closed a long time ago and i havent had them in so many years but thats what i would be i would be one of the mini lemon/strawberry sugar cookies from there…!

🐶 - are you more of a dog or a cat person?

definitely more cat person (the crowd pretends to be shocked) HFKDHD i have worked so hard to make liking cats my 1 personality trait like i love thoise. creatures…. i really hope in my next life im reincarnated as a cat thats my ideal existence :3 i dont mind dogs at all !! just sometimes theyre overwhelming and loud and wriggly.:( loses points for team dog unfortunately… tho something i will never understand is how so many dog ppl hold such a strong and unrooted hatred for cats ? i have run into so many people who fr think cats are the devil incarnate and need to be burned at the stake or whatever like……Ermm.. its a cat . they purr whenyou cuddle them and u can feel it echo through your chest…. i think thats great

🎧- headphones or earbuds?

earbuds ! headphones have always fit around my head weird and smushed my ears which i dont really enjoy </3 plus when i wear earbuds i can pretend i am putting the music inside of me ^_^

ask game ❣️